Her name was Molly. The last anyone saw or heard from Molly was after a noon meeting in Anchorage. Molly was giddy and happy and all good things. In a phrase: It appeared Molly was at-the-top-of-her-game.
Molly said (almost giggling as she did) that she had to run home for a minute.
When Molly did not return, two lady friends went to Molly’s home looking for her. With no answer at the door, one friend looked in Molly’s garage and told the other friend, “Do not come here.”
Molly had hung herself.
Damn you the ‘ Noonday Demon ‘ ..
I know far too much about you from past visits. From out-of-seeming-nowhere you sneak in for a visit.
I am not at all interested in a visit.
Patti will attest that I am at-the-top-of-my-game and have been for some many months now.
The problem is : I can continue to fully function (some of my longest and most giddy highs have been during the worst of my depressive episodes) at levels far above those of you who are ‘normal’.
The problem is : I know the subtle signs. I don’t like them one whit.
The problem is : People don’t talk about it or they ignore it.
Then there is the entity we call God. The entity we lift our prayers to.
“Why God?” I asked during my worst siege (June 1995 through May 1998) ..
Oh yes God answers prayer.
“Because only by YOU experiencing depression will you understand what those I set before you with the challenge of depression are going through.”
“Oh thanks God! What a great gift.”
Been here and done this. Successfully I will add. Past history is on-my-side.
True enough. Sleep is not an evil thing. Drink a lot of good liquids. Eat at all costs. Work with, and help others to get out of your own head.
But I will not, and I cannot, ignore the signs creeping up behind me.
Too funny. IF Patti was not here, literally right beside me, and was reading this half a world away in Anchorage, she’d be worried-sick.
Atta Boy Captain. That’s the spirit.
Too many, far far too many questions to answer because ..
As Andrew Solomon says in his above encyclopedia, we don’t have all of the answers.
IT comes in. IT goes out as-it-seems-to-choose. BUT out it does go. IF you can, if you are able, to-stay-the-course. IT always lifts.
Sad to say, many don’t, many are just not able to simply stay-the-course. Molly. Jane. Judy. Bill. Robin. Others I can’t recall their names now. The ex-Marine Sniper. 1st Cousin Clive. 1st Cousin Joannie. 1st Cousin Doug.
My victory. Not one nasty, socially unacceptable word has been used above to describe the feelings that come with it.
Another stunning link.
TOLD THE TRUTH IN MY SISTER’S OBITUARY ..
Just, the simple doing-of-this Post, gives me a lot of relief.
Sorry? Not for one micro-second.
Some suffering soul some place may stumble in here and say : I am not alone after all.
After all, none of us are alone.
- JUN 9, 19 .. PATTI SAYS / PATTI SAID
- JUN 11, 19 .. NOT TO WORRY ABOUT YOURS TRULY