Right now, right here, up-front, I realize that this post has the potential of ‘getting-away-from-me’.
Maybe it will. Julia Cameron (“When we start to write, we prime the pump and the flow of ideas begins to move. It is the act of writing that calls ideas forth, not ideas that call forward writing.”) and Nike (the running shoe company) says : Just Do It. Just Begin.
This post really belongs in my alternate website (http://aaphotoshere.blogspot.com/2019/10/) because, in the below narrative, I did NOT like how I was feeling.
HOW IMPORTANT IS IT.. REALLY?
This concept is absolutely vital in the Rooms of Recovery. We can NOT afford to seek out a substance to change how we are feeling. So to maintain our equilibrium (the condition of a system in which all competing influences are balanced) or if you will, our emotional balance, it is critical to ask ourselves the above question. IF you have suicidal issues, answering the above question calmly and rationally is a matter of life and death. The normal person, when their car breaks down, simply calls for roadside assistance. Some us call Suicide Prevention (one time, when all I did was miss a streetcar in San Francisco, I was on the edge) and my wife practically ‘freaked out’ when I calmly said, “If I had a gun I might blow my brains out.” THAT Sports Fans is precisely why I don’t have such weapons.
HOW IMPORTANT IS IT.. REALLY?
If you’re not careful, you slip into the morass of : Nothing Matters. No one cares. Why bother. Don’t sweat the small stuff and? It’s all small stuff.
Almost daily I debate this sub-title to my posts here : Delete before reading.
One of Your Captain’s Character Defects : I am a perfectionist. I strive for personal credibility with my friends.
When I say I am going to send YOU a post card, you can go-to-the-bank with your money. You can go to Las Vegas with your life savings (Tom Tiger) and put it all down with ‘The Man’ handling gambling outcomes. I very well may send you two or three post cards just to be sure you get one.
When I tell you (and I am extremely cautious when I tell you something that borders on a promise) I will do this / I will do that / I will be here / I will be there etc I take my commitment seriously.
Robert Service said it : A promise made is a debt unpaid.
Your Captain pays his debts.
And the price goes sky-high when I say to a very important friend / friends .. “I will do THIS.”
LET IT BEGIN
When I am in a foreign country, at best, at the extreme outer limit, my list of vital / important / life-and-death calibre friends, are countable on one hand. When I tell one of my precious few best-of-friends that I am going to do this / I am going to do that, I personally believe that it behoves (a duty or responsibility for someone to do something) me to DO what I’ve said I’m going to do.
Now when I have told, NO not one of them, TWO of them, I will do this..
GOD HIMSELF WILLING .. I WILL DO THIS ..
David (he says is Daah Veed) said to me yesterday morning after a meeting through another bi-lingual member, in an almost pleading-tone-of-voice, “Cap please, can we get together one more time before you leave. PLEASE!”
David goes-back to year 2015. David speaks absolutely NO English. I speak (Bayar-la means Thank You) one word of Mongolian. We call one another and all we do is chuckle and laugh. So anything we need to say must be done through a translator. David was going to take the train with me to Russian Siberia in August 2017 when my left kidney issues forced me to return to the U.S. David is close CLOSE friends with my Russian friends in Irkutsk, Russia. There is one, there is only one Daah Veed in my life.
My Man Khoso since July of 2015. Vital. Critical. A best-of-friends.
David called Khoso. Khoso called me. Khoso said, “Cap, David really wants to talk with you. I told David (Daah Veed) I can meet with the two of you this afternoon at 5:30PM.”
2. I’ll see you in back of the Blue Sky Hotel at 5PM. We’ll then go together to meet David (Daah Veed).
3. I’m leaving at 4PM to be sure I’m on time. When I say I’ll be somewhere at 5PM, God Willing I WILL be there at 5PM.
4. I will call you / I will text you when I am on a bus.
5. YOU stay home comfortable and when I’m close to the Blue Sky, I’ll call / text you.
6. I told Patti of our plan.
MY SYSTEM WORKED .. I FAILED
Every thing I need to take with me when I go out, I have in the above box. In the upper right above is my empty cell phone (yellow) case. When home the Nokia is with me NOT in his traveling case.
And out and off I trotted.
Got it? This is a big deal to me. To David. To Khoso. WE HAVE A PLAN.
Hot Dog. An almost empty, big, blue Route Number 1 bus and I have a seat.
AND I REACHED FOR MY CELL PHONE TO CALL PATTI AND KHOSO..
I did not have it with me.
The last time this happened .. August 10th 2015 .. I knew the feeling of having no phone numbers available to call a friend for advice or for assistance.
I recovered from that drama. From that point on, I kept with me a list of important phone numbers. That was five years ago. Long ago I stopped keeping with me a list of vital phone numbers.
I’d looked at my empty yellow colored cell phone case in my box and walked off without the cell phone in its case.
WORDS FAIL TO EXPRESS HOW I FELT..
Patti is eagerly awaiting me to text her an update as I always do. Khoso is waiting for me to text him. David is waiting to hear from Khoso about when he will leave his home to meet up with us at my local restaurant.
I sat stunned. I had no phone numbers to call. And I was upset with myself! I was very VERY upset with myself.
I took a few very deep breaths and contemplated : HOW IMPORTANT IS THIS.. REALLY?
The only thing at-stake here is my reputation with Khoso and David and Patti as to being reliable to do what I say I am going to do.
Eskimos and prayer. God sure did NOT save me. An Eskimo did.
Prayer! What a joke!
Pray Until Something Happens.
I said our prayer (Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do THY WILL).
Then the thought came to me!
I wonder IF I have Deegi’s business card in my wallet.
I had Deegi’s business card in my wallet.
I have a phone number.
It helps no end that I like being here because I like the Mongolian People. The elderly lady sitting to my right refused to look at me (I was trying to get her to make a call to Deegi). The elderly man standing to my left understood. He whipped out his cell phone and he dialed Deegi. THANK YOU GOD .. Deegi answered an incoming call from a totally unfamiliar name. I said, “Deegi, will you call Khoso and tell him I’ll meet him at the Blue Sky at 5:15PM / 1715 hours.” She said she would. The elderly man’s phone rang. “Cap Khoso is not answering.” and then before I could utter “Keep trying.” we were dropped.
I got to the Post Office and asked the sweet postal clerk, who ‘knows me’ from my many visits dating to year 2015, would she make a call. Sure. I got Deegi, “I got Khoso. He’ll see you at 5:15PM Cap!”
I walked into the Blue Sky at 5:09PM. Khoso was sitting there waiting for me. We immediately called Patti who was totally flummoxed at not having heard word one or a text from me.
Khoso called David and we met for dinner.
This meeting between David and I was very important for many reasons, none of which I am going to discuss here.
You Believe or you don’t. You’re all in or you’re not. There are no half measures here. To say a lot-came-down this evening would be one vast understatement.
Yep. This post got-away-from-me.
Or did it?
- NOV 29, 19 .. NO BLACK-FRIDAY IN MONGOLIA .. IT WAS WHITE
- DEC 1, 19 .. SMART PHONE .. MY SAMSUNG A10 .. THERE WILL BE NO TURNING BACK ..