Ain’t no body gettin’ a free ride in this lifetime.

Not me. Not you. No one.

Gullible stated in a comment :

You are where you have wanted to be for some time and will soon be visiting one of your most favorite cities. You have Patti with you. You are older than the mountains yet you continue to travel internationally in some questionable areas.

You still have your wits about you, even if the occasional name slips your mind for a bit. You are following your calling. You continue to write interesting posts on two blogs that are filled with photos.

You have apricot jam and Snickers.

Now, tell me why you are swinging into a depressive state?

I am so sorry to tell you this Gullible, but your question has no answer.

Its all been written about. Its all been very  well documented.

Well documented? The following book comes-to-mind.

‘When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough: The Search for a Life That Matters’  is a book by Harold Kushner, a Conservative Jewish Rabbi. Doesn’t the title say-it-all?

Well documented?

The following human being leaps-into-the-forefront-of-my-mind : Robin Williams.

Why oh why Robin? You had it all. Fortune. Fame. The world loved you. The world idolized you Robin.

This is IT for now. No more talk of this nonsense.

To quote our friend Simon : I am going to stop wandering the streets of my mind.

I’m going back to work. Damn the torpedoes. Do you want to live forever?

So to others engaged in the challenge of depression I say : IF I can walk through it, maybe you too will be able to do so.

Over and Out.



Her name was Molly. The last anyone saw or heard from Molly was after a noon meeting in Anchorage. Molly was giddy and happy and all good things. In a phrase: It appeared Molly was at-the-top-of-her-game.

Molly said (almost giggling as she did) that she had to run home for a minute.

When Molly did not return, two lady friends went to Molly’s home looking for her. With no answer at the door, one friend looked in Molly’s garage and told the other friend, “Do not come here.”

Molly had hung herself.

Damn you the ‘ Noonday Demon ‘  ..


I know far too much about you from past visits. From out-of-seeming-nowhere you sneak in for a visit.

I am not at all interested in a visit.

Patti will attest that I am at-the-top-of-my-game and have been for some many months now.

The problem is : I can continue to fully function (some of my longest and most giddy highs have been during the worst of my depressive episodes) at levels far above those of you who are ‘normal’.

The problem is : I know the subtle signs. I don’t like them one whit.

The problem is : People don’t talk about it or they ignore it.

Then there is the entity we call God. The entity we lift our prayers to.

“Why God?” I asked during my worst siege (June 1995 through May 1998) ..

Oh yes God answers prayer.

“Because only by YOU experiencing depression will you understand what those I set before you with the challenge of depression are going through.”

“Oh thanks God! What a great gift.”

Been here and done this. Successfully I will add. Past history is on-my-side.

True enough. Sleep is not an evil thing. Drink a lot of good liquids. Eat at all costs. Work with, and help others to get out of your own head.

But I will not, and I cannot, ignore the signs creeping up behind me.


Too funny. IF Patti was not here, literally right beside me, and was reading this half a world away in Anchorage, she’d be worried-sick.

Atta Boy Captain. That’s the spirit.

Too many, far far too many questions to answer because ..

http://Damn the ‘ Noonday Demon ‘  .. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13932.The_Noonday_Demon

As Andrew Solomon says in his above encyclopedia, we don’t have all of the answers.

IT comes in. IT goes out as-it-seems-to-choose. BUT out it does go. IF you can, if you are able, to-stay-the-course. IT always lifts.

Sad to say, many don’t, many are just not able to simply stay-the-course. Molly. Jane. Judy. Bill. Robin. Others I can’t recall their names now. The ex-Marine Sniper. 1st Cousin Clive. 1st Cousin Joannie. 1st Cousin Doug.

My victory. Not one nasty, socially unacceptable word has been used above to describe the feelings that come with it.

Another stunning link.



Just, the simple doing-of-this Post, gives me a lot of relief.

Sorry? Not for one micro-second.

Some suffering soul some place may stumble in here and say : I am not alone after all.

After all, none of us are alone.