DEC 6, 11 .. GOODBYE WITH LOVE KITTY BRINNAND
Tuesday.. December 6, 2011.. GOODBYE KITTY ..
JUST ONE TIME in this lifetime.. I wish that God of Abraham would say to me.. beforehand.. where IT IS that I am being led.. (gotcha ! I did NOT say where ‘he’ was leading me..) ..
It seems that .. after the fact .. I see clearly .. OR.. I THINK I see clearly .. what WAS (past tense) happening ..
Half a lifetime ago.. long ago last Friday.. December 2nd.. I wrote and I went into great detail about MY plans for yesterday .. Monday the 5th of December .. and MY plans for the first two or three days of this week .. basically I planned to be in Panjim (Panaji) Goa about 9AM Monday morning .. then I planned to see (1) Old Goa and (2) the local beaches OR (1) the local beaches and (2) Old Goa .. the local beaches of North Goa I am talking about being Anjuna.. Baga.. Calangute.. Candolim.. and Sinquerim Beaches .. to do this I planned to be up early.. to be out the door and on a bus by 6:30 (or maybe) 7AM ..
I know.. do you want to make God laugh.. tell God YOUR plans .. smile ..
OK.. I know you all get ‘numb’ to the obvious.. THE WHOLE POINT of this web site is to express my gratitude to the God of Abraham .. that is why the web site is called .. BABA KAPS DOXOLOGY .. my Doxology is my praise to God ..
It REALLY IRKS ME NO END when some religious people talk like they KNOW this or that about God .. they talk like it is their way or the highway ..
OK.. back to you all getting ‘numb’ about the obvious ..
The Title of my writings since early January of 1991 .. has been .. For What It’s Worth ..
Each and every single writing I title.. For What It’s Worth .. and you get ‘numb’ to that .. and do NOT fill in the blanks after it ..
(the blanks say.. There’s somethin’ happenin’ here.. What it is ain’t exactly clear..)
The Title .. For What It’s Worth .. is the Title of the popular song written by Stephen Stills and sung by the folk rock group Buffalo Springfield back in early 1967 (it peaked in March 1967) ..
The opening line (as written) goes thusly.. “There’s somethin’ happenin’ here .. What it is ain’t exactly clear ..” I usually sing it to myself .. “Something IS happening here.. What it is ain’t exactly clear..”
THIS ONE LINE FROM THIS ONE SONG SAYS IT ALL FOR ME..
I do NOT know it all.. I know very little .. in fact .. the more I KNOW .. the more I KNOW I DON’T KNOW MUCH at all..
BUT AT LEAST AT THIS POINT IN MY JOURNEY OF LIFE I AM SPIRITUALLY ADVANCED ENOUGH TO know .. to KNOW .. that truly.. something IS HAPPENING HERE .. and WHAT IT IS AIN’T EXACTLY CLEAR ..
Does GOD orchestrate things.. I do NOT know. frankly I doubt it .. The Fifth Book of Moses in the Old Testament .. Deuteronomy Chapter 30 Verse 19.. gives to us the power of CHOICE .. “.. choose life that thou and thy seed may live..” ..
So GOD is not directing this show.. our gift is the gift of choice ..
BUT .. I can not deny that something IS happening here .. and What it is AIN’T exactly clear .. so sit back and get with me as I write about MY plan(s) and reality ..
Monday.. December 5th.. 2011 ..
MY PLAN REALITY
Be away 2/3 DAYS Away 8 HOURS
Leave 6:30AM/7AM Left 10:15AM
Arrive Mapusa 9:30AM Arrive Mapusa 12Noon
Why did I get a late start.. was I NOT supposed to go.. I haven’t a clue .. I went when I felt right ..
By cell phone .. commencing at 10:15AM.. until 4PM.. when she went to bed in Alaska.. her 1:30AM.. Patti was with me on all of the below events and timings ..
From 12Noon until 12:25 PM in Mapusa I found the local Goa Government Tourist Hotel.. no rooms available.. so that ruled out staying the night in Mapusa.. so back to the bus terminal I went..
I did not think it odd at the time.. but oddly enough there was a bus for Calangute Beach waiting for me .. I got on and we immediately headed from Mapusa to Calangute Beach at about 12:30PM .. Calangute Beach was so commercialized that I went right past it on the bus and headed north for Baga Beach arriving at 2:00PM and I had to de-bus because it was the end of the line .. Baga Beach was identical to Calangute Beach BUT since I was off the bus (only because I had to de-bus) I did take some photos for you all to see .. guess what .. the bus had a half-hour layover and when I was done with Baga Beach .. the bus was just firing up to go back to Mapusa and off I went as if it was meant to be .. was it ? .. I haven’t a clue .. but I was back into Mapusa at 2:45PM.. and immediately got a bus to Panjim (Panaji) and off we went.. got into Panjim at 3:10PM .. and immediately got a bus to Old Goa and off we went .. into Old Goa at about 3:20PM .. saw what I needed to see.. photographed what I wanted to photograph.. and at 4:10PM (guess what) immediately got a bus back into downtown Panjim .. into the main bus terminal at 4:30PM and (guess what) .. there was a bus immediately available heading back north to Mapusa from Panjim IF I wanted to get on ..
At that point I was finished with the beaches and with Old Goa.. and I decided in an instant that .. since it was only 4:30PM.. maybe I could get the last bus north for Arambol out of Mapusa .. so why not go-for-it .. (guess what) .. when I got back into Mapusa I (are you sick of reading this) immediately had the option to get a bus north to Arambol Beach except it was jam-packed full standing-room-only IF I could even squeeze on ..
I told the bus conductor .. who was practically pushing me onto the bus.. “I can not stand all the way to Arambol I MUST have a seat”..
With God of Abraham as my witness .. a man on the bus .. sitting at a window heard me and said .. “You can have my seat !” .. so onto the bus I forced and squeezed my way .. the man at the window got up and the man on the aisle moved over to his left and took the window seat and I sat on the aisle seat .. I thanked my benefactor profusely.. I thought to myself .. “This gentleman is probably getting down from the bus shortly and so it is no great sacrifice for him to give up his seat for me” .. oh yeah .. read on ..
I was headed for Arambol an hour and a half north of Mapusa.. the man who gave to me his seat was headed to Keri Beach .. half an hour north of Arambol .. he gave up his window seat (the window seat is so nice because no one on the aisle is smashing into your head and shoulders) .. so he gave up a prime window seat to stand for two hours .. when I got off .. my seat benefactor had gotten a seat at last and he was sitting and I again shook his hand and thanked him profusely for giving up his seat for me..
I was into Arambol Beach at 6:30PM.. I went to my lovely apartment and bathed .. I was sweaty because those crowded local buses are hot .. then I went to my favorite Chinese restaurant and enjoyed a wonderful dinner .. went back to my apartment .. listened to some music and at 9:30PM .. crashed .. to sleep ..and I slept well.. rested and relaxed..
Was I where I was supposed to be ? .. home in my apartment.. where it was quiet.. where I had privacy.. where I have all my addresses and phone numbers .. where I was rested and feeling good.. where my favorite internet cafe is a few steps away .. I do NOT know but ..
Had my planned schedule worked out .. I would have been in a hotel room in Mapusa.. or I would have been in a hotel room in Panjim.. or in a hotel room on the beach at Candolim or Calangute or Baga .. or I would have been on a local bus rocking and rolling along and unable to hear .. or walking on the beach or .. you fill in the blank(s) .. had my plans worked out I would not have been home this Tuesday morning.. December 6th .. 2011 ..
Did God orchestrate all of the above timings of Monday the 5th ? .. give me a break .. don’t freak me out.. NO way..
BUT .. I was where I needed to be .. humm.. WAS .. There somethin’ happenin’ here .. IF SO .. it was NOT exactly clear to me .. as I went to sleep Monday evening.. December 5th.. all I knew was this .. it sure felt good to be in Arambol Beach in my apartment ..
Tuesday Morning.. December 6.. 2011.. around 7:35AM .. my cell phone rang..
The call was from Swapan.. and I KNEW .. I K N E W ..
Swapan has never called me as early as 7:35AM .. NEVER.. so I K N E W ..
“Kitty passed away this morning at 5:35AM” ..
We all knew it was coming.. there was no doubt .. but the finality of death is always a blow ..
When this trip was born on August 8th..go back to FWIW.. 1.. the intensity was right there right up front .. I KNEW the instant I was called that I had been CALLED to .. GO NOW ! .. when I landed in New Delhi late the evening of September 7th and was on the train to Calcutta September 11th.. I knew the time was coming..
When I left Calcutta on October the 18th .. I was used up and I was totally expended.. life is for the living.. death is God’s business .. we the living can and do assist those dying who want to live.. BUT .. we are totally powerless over those dying who want to die.. and Kitty began checking out way back in May of 2008 .. and her quitting.. and her giving up.. that really upset me .. but no one of us is so powerful as to be able to reverse this decision ..
I was able.. in the peace and in the quiet of my apartment .. to elevate a few prayers on Kitty’s behalf to God and the Holy Trinity .. I was comfortably able to make a number of phone calls (beginning with Patti) advising friends of Kitty’s passing.. people who needed to know and who cared about Kitty .. no call was rushed .. and because I was home .. I was able to be quiet and to center myself .. and to later in the day .. when it was right .. come to this internet cafe .. come to MY internet cafe .. and to spend the four and one half hours this writing has taken to complete.. with more than one trip back to my apartment necessary ..
I have written much about Kitty in earlier writings here .. and will not repeat what I have written .. I truly was blessed by being able to come to India and to go to Calcutta and to do what I could do for five some weeks .. but when I left Calcutta it was time to leave and I have no regrets ..
How do I .. how could I .. adequately thank someone who personally introduced me to Mother Teresa ?
Well.. I did all I could do for the ensuing eighteen years and eleven plus months .. and there is more for me to do .. and I shall do what I can do ..
Kitty’s service will be tomorrow the 7th.. and Kitty will be buried in Calcutta ..
KITTY.. PATTI AND I BOTH LOVED YOU.. BOTH OF OUR LIVES ARE RICHER FOR HAVING HAD YOU IN OUR LIVES.. WE BOTH ARE PRAYING FOR YOU (PATTI SAID YOUR SOUL WAS SOARING HIGH) .. with that nice vision I will close..
Humbly THANKING ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE JOINED ME ON THIS TRIP FOR YOUR SUPPORT.. YOU TOO were touched by Kitty ..
Much Love.. Cap and Patti ..