JUN 24, 15 .. SIMON .. SIMON .. WHERE ART THOU SIMON ..

“The time has come,” the walrus said, “To talk of many things: Of shoes .. and ships .. and sealing wax.. Of cabbages .. and Kings .. And why the sea is boiling hot .. And whether pigs have wings.”  THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS .. THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER .. JABBERWOCKY .. Lewis Carroll .. 1871 ..

Long pause .. Yes Captain .. The time has come to discuss Simon ..

I am not alone in this process that I am sharing with you.

Many people .. In fact almost all of them   .. including Patti .. have said they said to themselves ..

What did I miss?

Below are some things that I either missed or that I did not take action upon!

20-20 Hindsight is an absolutely useless phenomenon!

Being 20-20 it is clear and crisp and in very sharp focus. Unfortunately this 20-20 Hindsight only leads one aimlessly down the streets of their minds.

Simon and I .. as Patti can verify .. had a little ritual. Whenever we would part ways with each of us returning to our apartments or off to run errands .. Simon would often head to McDonald’s for a McFlurry when I had declined his offer to accompany him .. we two would always .. with no exception .. turn and basically continue to wave-goodbye to one another until we were about to totally disappear out of each others sight. Simon was undoubtedly at the top of the list with a scant few other best-wavers-goodbye that I have ever known.

My first 20-20 Hindsight.

I did NOT KNOW when I last saw Simon after the two of us enjoyed a nice meal together at Pho Tai .. that it was about to be .. let me say perhaps that it was about to be .. the last time we two would ever see one another again in this lifetime.

After we two had left Pho Tai .. When I turned to begin our little ritual of waving-goodbye to one another .. Simon did not look back at me even one time!

As I walked along heading back to my studio apartment I continued .. over and over .. to look back at Simon hoping to see him waving back at me but instead only seeing his back. Finally I turned a corner and I thought consciously .. very consciously I must add .. “That was really odd. Simon never once turned back to wave at me!

So .. perhaps.. that may be my last ever image of Simon.

When I show you his text messages below .. in the final text he sent to me .. Simon specifically noted that .. and these are his exact words .. Sorry I couldn’t say goodbye but I probably couldn’t have handled it anyway.

This tells me that in all probability Simon knew as he was walking away it was Adios Cap.

Now for some more 20-20 totally useless Hindsight.

What do you see? .. What do you notice? .. What jumps-out-at-you? .. In the below photos?

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Simon’s Million Dollar Smile!

Simon was a happy joyous enthusiastic fun person to be with and to be around.

I cannot bring-to-mind Simon ever being down on anyone. It was not in his basic nature.

Click onto the below link .. it was Simon at his best! Arranging Patti’s FIRST CLASS FLIGHT TO HKG

http://babakaps.net/?p=11611

Now unfortunately .. back to the business-at-hand.

Here is the 20-20 Hindsight.

Tuesday .. June 16th .. 2015 ..

During our (was it to be our last time ever?) dinner together I noticed he was somewhat subdued so much so that I snapped the below photo!

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THEN I ACTUALLY SAID TO SIMON .. “Simon .. you seem to be a little pensive tonight.”

He smiled and sort of nodded.

WHAT DID I MISS? .. I MISSED NOTHING! .. In 20-20 Hindsight I can see now that My Sixth-Sense was on-the-ready and on-the-alert. 

WHAT DIDN’T I DO? .. I DID NOT SAY .. “Simon .. are you all right? Is something on your mind Simon? Talk to me Simon!”

Here is one odd and horrific fact about mental illness.

Almost without exception .. people who have sought out professional psychiatric help become reluctant to take their prescribed medications even when the meds are in fact working!

“I am feeling good. I will stop taking my meds! I don’t need them anymore!”

“I don’t like the side-effects. I am going to stop taking my meds.”

So they stop taking their meds and right-back-into-the-soup they plunge! Many die .. maybe most die. Often the meds that were working will no longer work for them. So it is not an issue of .. “Well I will stop. See what happens. Then I can always start taking the meds again.”

Simon certainly had sought out professional psychiatric assistance. In fact I accompanied Simon to one of his Psychiatric sessions actually sitting in the room with Simon and his Doctor.

Months ago I just stopped asking Simon if he was taking his psychiatric meds because I KNEW from Simon himself that he did not like the side effects and would not take them!

Is this good thinking? I don’t like the side effects so I will commit suicide!

Now to Simon’s final two texts to me .. to his final words perhaps.

Wednesday .. June 17, 2015 .. 4:37p ..

Cap another all nighter. But I have resigned and will move back to Canda next week. Can’t take it any more.

This text was not all that unusual. I knew full well about his job issues. I thought to myself .. “We will talk it over this evening at dinner.”  I could not get Simon later to set-up dinner together because he would not pick-up his phone. So we did not have dinner to talk-things-over.

Thursday .. June 18, 2015 .. 10:25a ..

Cap I cheaped out and waited 18 months for the public hospital. Now it’s too late and most likely I hope to have a few weeks at most. I’m headed to Switzerland to die with dignity. Sorry I couldn’t say goodbye but I probably couldn’t have handled it anyway. it had been a blast take care and say hi to Patti.

instantly called Simon!  He would not pick-up.

Thursday .. June 18, 2015 .. 10:35a ..

WOW!! THANK you for all you have done for me Simon!! You rank as a best friend!! I hope to hear more from you! Via con DIOS Go With God Simon!! With Much Love! Cap and Patti.

After I sent Simon the above text message .. I immediately went to the office that handles both of our apartment rentals and I:

– Read to them and I showed to them the above text messages.

– I asked them to do a well-person inspection of Simon’s apartment.

Over the months I have become close to the management team specifically because of previous mental health issues including his two prior suicide attempts ..

http://babakaps.net/?p=11391

http://babakaps.net/?p=11406

http://babakaps.net/?p=11483

Later in the day .. Thursday .. June 18th .. I physically returned to the rental office to inquire as to their inspection.  I was advised they had made two (2) well-person visits to his apartment. He was not there and there was no appearance of anything being out-of-order or unusual.

I have continued to casually check with the rental office and nothing new has developed. I work to keep-in-mind that it is NOT their job to track the private lives of their rental customers.

I am at a loss as to what more to say at this point-in-time. When (IF?) I hear more from or about Simon .. I will do another Post ..

I began with this .. “The time has come,” the walrus said .. and I will end with it.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU .. both here in Hong Kong who have been following Simon daily and up-close and in person .. and to the many of you on-line who have conveyed to me their interest and concerns for Simon ..

Oh God Of Abraham .. Creator Of Heaven And Earth .. I Leave Simon With And Under Your Care ..

Reverently .. Cap ..

10 thoughts on “JUN 24, 15 .. SIMON .. SIMON .. WHERE ART THOU SIMON ..

  1. Patti

    This was, to put it mildly, a very difficult, emotional post to read through, and to re-read … cried all the way through it. Simon is one of the very best friends anyone could ever have. He was ALWAYS delightful to be with and to be around. He seemed to savor life. Yes, when we lose, or lose touch with, someone like Simon, we cannot help but wonder what they said that we missed, or, what did I misinterpret? Somehow, I still harbor the hope that he will resurface. Cannot help but hope. If he does not, we are left with the gift of him having enriched our lives enormously. Thank you Simon for the gift of you. Love, Patti

    1. cap chastain

      It is SO NICE that for five (5) full weeks .. starting with your arrival at the Hong Kong Airport where both Simon and myself were eagerly awaiting you to appear an hour early at 5AM or so .. all the way to the day you left .. I think we saw Simon almost every day. Especially nice were all of our memories eating at Pho Tai .. the restaurant Simon led me to and which is at the top of my favorites list as I write these words. No person could be a better friend all-things-considered. I too hope he will resurface. THANK YOU for proofing this with me .. tears and all! Knowing you were driving to Homer the next day. Much Love .. Cap ..

  2. cap chastain

    In his last text message .. difficult as it is to decipher for me .. I got the idea that he perhaps had some medical issue he never talked to me about and that medical issue became critical .. perhaps all of a sudden. Saying he was going to Canada one day .. the first text .. and then to Switzerland the next day sure is confusing. Thanks for your interest. I hope you saw Patti en route to Homer.

  3. Jeanne Waite Follett

    From Wikipedia” “Assisted suicide has been legal since 1941 if performed by a non-physician without a vested interest in that individual’s death. The law prohibits doctors, spouses, children, or other such related parties from directly participating in one’s death. Many citizens from other countries cross over into Switzerland to end their lives. This controversial practice of “suicide tourism” is allowed by the Swiss government, and the access is supported by public opinion. The laws regarding assisted suicide are intended to restrict the practice as a last resort by terminally ill people.[2]

    Many otherwise healthy individuals who suffer from curable or treatable problems such as depression end their lives, despite the fact that this is legally prohibited. Dignitas, a Swiss group that facilitates suicide, requires that patients provide specific doctor’s proof and prognosis in writing specifying terminal illness.[3]

    1. cap chastain

      You .. are absolutely AMAZING! I had no idea about this. Talk about being willing to go-to-any length! I am speechless. THANK YOU SO MUCH for this comment.

      I wonder what it cost(s). What happens to the deceased body? ETC!

    1. cap chastain

      Thank You Andrej .. I appreciate that a lot .. I will not deny that this has been quite a roller-coaster ride with Simon for going on six months now .. Again .. your support is greatly appreciated .. Cap ..

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