“The time has come,” the walrus said, “To talk of many things: Of shoes .. and ships .. and sealing wax.. Of cabbages .. and Kings .. And why the sea is boiling hot .. And whether pigs have wings.” THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS .. THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER .. JABBERWOCKY .. Lewis Carroll .. 1871 ..
Long pause .. Yes Captain .. The time has come to discuss Simon ..
I am not alone in this process that I am sharing with you.
Many people .. In fact almost all of them .. including Patti .. have said they said to themselves ..
“What did I miss?“
Below are some things that I either missed or that I did not take action upon!
20-20 Hindsight is an absolutely useless phenomenon!
Being 20-20 it is clear and crisp and in very sharp focus. Unfortunately this 20-20 Hindsight only leads one aimlessly down the streets of their minds.
Simon and I .. as Patti can verify .. had a little ritual. Whenever we would part ways with each of us returning to our apartments or off to run errands .. Simon would often head to McDonald’s for a McFlurry when I had declined his offer to accompany him .. we two would always .. with no exception .. turn and basically continue to wave-goodbye to one another until we were about to totally disappear out of each others sight. Simon was undoubtedly at the top of the list with a scant few other best-wavers-goodbye that I have ever known.
My first 20-20 Hindsight.
I did NOT KNOW when I last saw Simon after the two of us enjoyed a nice meal together at Pho Tai .. that it was about to be .. let me say perhaps that it was about to be .. the last time we two would ever see one another again in this lifetime.
After we two had left Pho Tai .. When I turned to begin our little ritual of waving-goodbye to one another .. Simon did not look back at me even one time!
As I walked along heading back to my studio apartment I continued .. over and over .. to look back at Simon hoping to see him waving back at me but instead only seeing his back. Finally I turned a corner and I thought consciously .. very consciously I must add .. “That was really odd. Simon never once turned back to wave at me!”
So .. perhaps.. that may be my last ever image of Simon.
When I show you his text messages below .. in the final text he sent to me .. Simon specifically noted that .. and these are his exact words .. Sorry I couldn’t say goodbye but I probably couldn’t have handled it anyway.
This tells me that in all probability Simon knew as he was walking away it was Adios Cap.
Now for some more 20-20 totally useless Hindsight.
What do you see? .. What do you notice? .. What jumps-out-at-you? .. In the below photos?
Simon’s Million Dollar Smile!
Simon was a happy joyous enthusiastic fun person to be with and to be around.
I cannot bring-to-mind Simon ever being down on anyone. It was not in his basic nature.
Click onto the below link .. it was Simon at his best! Arranging Patti’s FIRST CLASS FLIGHT TO HKG
Now unfortunately .. back to the business-at-hand.
Here is the 20-20 Hindsight.
Tuesday .. June 16th .. 2015 ..
During our (was it to be our last time ever?) dinner together I noticed he was somewhat subdued so much so that I snapped the below photo!
THEN I ACTUALLY SAID TO SIMON .. “Simon .. you seem to be a little pensive tonight.”
He smiled and sort of nodded.
WHAT DID I MISS? .. I MISSED NOTHING! .. In 20-20 Hindsight I can see now that My Sixth-Sense was on-the-ready and on-the-alert.
WHAT DIDN’T I DO? .. I DID NOT SAY .. “Simon .. are you all right? Is something on your mind Simon? Talk to me Simon!”
Here is one odd and horrific fact about mental illness.
Almost without exception .. people who have sought out professional psychiatric help become reluctant to take their prescribed medications even when the meds are in fact working!
“I am feeling good. I will stop taking my meds! I don’t need them anymore!”
“I don’t like the side-effects. I am going to stop taking my meds.”
So they stop taking their meds and right-back-into-the-soup they plunge! Many die .. maybe most die. Often the meds that were working will no longer work for them. So it is not an issue of .. “Well I will stop. See what happens. Then I can always start taking the meds again.”
Simon certainly had sought out professional psychiatric assistance. In fact I accompanied Simon to one of his Psychiatric sessions actually sitting in the room with Simon and his Doctor.
Months ago I just stopped asking Simon if he was taking his psychiatric meds because I KNEW from Simon himself that he did not like the side effects and would not take them!
Is this good thinking? I don’t like the side effects so I will commit suicide!
Now to Simon’s final two texts to me .. to his final words perhaps.
Wednesday .. June 17, 2015 .. 4:37p ..
Cap another all nighter. But I have resigned and will move back to Canda next week. Can’t take it any more.
This text was not all that unusual. I knew full well about his job issues. I thought to myself .. “We will talk it over this evening at dinner.” I could not get Simon later to set-up dinner together because he would not pick-up his phone. So we did not have dinner to talk-things-over.
Thursday .. June 18, 2015 .. 10:25a ..
Cap I cheaped out and waited 18 months for the public hospital. Now it’s too late and most likely I hope to have a few weeks at most. I’m headed to Switzerland to die with dignity. Sorry I couldn’t say goodbye but I probably couldn’t have handled it anyway. it had been a blast take care and say hi to Patti.
I instantly called Simon! He would not pick-up.
Thursday .. June 18, 2015 .. 10:35a ..
WOW!! THANK you for all you have done for me Simon!! You rank as a best friend!! I hope to hear more from you! Via con DIOS Go With God Simon!! With Much Love! Cap and Patti.
After I sent Simon the above text message .. I immediately went to the office that handles both of our apartment rentals and I:
– Read to them and I showed to them the above text messages.
– I asked them to do a well-person inspection of Simon’s apartment.
Over the months I have become close to the management team specifically because of previous mental health issues including his two prior suicide attempts ..
Later in the day .. Thursday .. June 18th .. I physically returned to the rental office to inquire as to their inspection. I was advised they had made two (2) well-person visits to his apartment. He was not there and there was no appearance of anything being out-of-order or unusual.
I have continued to casually check with the rental office and nothing new has developed. I work to keep-in-mind that it is NOT their job to track the private lives of their rental customers.
I am at a loss as to what more to say at this point-in-time. When (IF?) I hear more from or about Simon .. I will do another Post ..
I began with this .. “The time has come,” the walrus said .. and I will end with it.
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU .. both here in Hong Kong who have been following Simon daily and up-close and in person .. and to the many of you on-line who have conveyed to me their interest and concerns for Simon ..
Oh God Of Abraham .. Creator Of Heaven And Earth .. I Leave Simon With And Under Your Care ..
Reverently .. Cap ..
- JUN 23, 15 .. A RAINY DAY IN HONG KONG ..
- JUN 29, 15 .. SIMON RE-VISITED ..